Sometimes I wonder if when I speak, I’m being listened to.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m teaching my boys everything they need to know to be kind, gentle, loving, good men.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m worrying too much about the day-to-day tasks when I should be worrying about how I can be better…a better mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend.
Sometimes I wonder if I can do it all.
I ran across this quote the other day and I might have teared up a little bit because yep, it pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.
I know I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed with motherhood from time to time. It is tough stuff. It’s exhausting and downright miserable.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my days all run together. I can’t keep on top of things, the boys don’t listen and on top of that, I can’t even figure out what we’re having for dinner half the time — which causes all sorts of whineyness and then the vicious cycle continues. Most of the time my home feels chaotic, I pick up the same toy 45 times, I hear “mommy” 60 million times (which by the way, if I hear it one more time I’m going to go lock myself in my closet for the rest of the day) and I spend a lot of time running errands and kids around.
We’ve been doing this blog thing for several months now and we’ve had a blast doing it. We started it so that it would give us an out from our pretty predictable lives as moms. No, we didn’t want to add ONE MORE THING to our to-do list but we wanted to feel like we hadn’t lost a part of ourselves. We’ve posted a lot of crafts and DIY projects. They’ve been fun, creative and entertaining. However, that’s not entirely reality. Let’s be honest, sometimes — ok, some days — it isn’t a blast and it ain’t pretty. Between Marie, Misty and I we have 9 boys (yes, NINE and another one on the way!!) and one girl. We are busy being moms and there are moments where we are just trying keep our heads above water. You should see us behind the scenes on “blog days” sometimes. It can be pretty scary stuff. We aren’t always put together and honestly, there are times when we are scrambling trying to piece everything together. We should try taking pictures during those moments and share. Haha! But that is life and it would be that way with or without Dreams & Midnight Jabber.
Then there’s the vortex of social media. All too often I let myself get caught up in blogs, Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram and I think to myself, “Man, I’m a crappy mom.” I don’t do crafts with my kids everyday. They don’t have all the new and coolest toys. My house definitely isn’t Pinterest-worthy and I’m pretty sure I’ve yelled too many times the last few days (not going to lie, there might have been a few adult tantrums in there too). But I did feed my kids today so there’s got to be an award for that, right? As I sit here talking about how tough motherhood can be, I realize all those “picture perfect” things on social media don’t matter. What matters is this: my boys are my life and I wouldn’t change this crazy life for anything. They are the light in my life on dreary days. They remind me that living life to the fullest shouldn’t be hard. They can say the craziest things, be super silly but thoughtful and kind all at the same time. All they have to do is look at me and it’s like they are saying, “It’s the simple things, mommy.” They truly are a gift from heaven.
But let’s be honest, I’ll still have my days (oh, so many, many, many…) where I’ll wonder if what I have to offer as a mom will be good enough. Oh, how I wish a handbook existed. But you know what? At the end of the day, it IS good enough. I AM good enough and I see that time and time again through the eyes of my boys. The hugs. The kisses. The joy. The laughter. The “I love yous.”
I shouldn’t wonder if…